finally.. stress is gonna be gone... no more school... no more freakzoid roommate... i am on my way to a better year!

ahh.. the end of the year..5 GOOD THINGS  1 no more hw... 2 no more 3 sharing a bathroom with 3 other girls.. 4 no more crazy ass roommates that yell at you then go and do the same exactl thing.. for a worse reason.  5 warmn weather and cute clothes!

that was my 5 good things about the end of the year!

too many thoughts to write...

i have never felt so uncomfortable in the lounge ever.  haha.  how odd.  haha.. ghetto music.. it has been so long since i have listened to that.  i think i have been all about the slow and peaceful but not so peaceful.. i dunno.  whatever.  formal is tomorrow.  i hope that goes good.  i have a feeling something will screw up.  thats just how it is now.  or has always been.  when it gets past a certain time my posts dont make sense.  i feel the bitch in me coming out... i better stop writing...

so here is my deal.  i am sucking at school and probably the worse student at trinity.  i am not cut out to be smart.  its a hard choice to make when you think about who you should be friends with and who you shouldnt.  everyone wants friends who are there for them and will talk to them and just listen.  i know i do.  i get that with most of my friends... there are those few... ok.. maybe one who just doesnt cut that.  it hurts too because other than that he is an all around kick ass guy.  i thought he was one of my bestfriends here at tcc... but i am starting to rethink that.  he kinda listens... he is never there for me.  i dont think my problems are as important as all his other friends.  i feel he would drop anything to do something for someone else.  i dunno why i feel this way.  i am sure i am not the only one that gets frustrated.  i think i get more frustrated because we use to talk a lot and hang out a lot and now i have to like do everything in my power to get him to even sit down to talk for a little while.  maybe if i was him or her.. u would.  but im not.  part of me wants to just say whatever...to hell with friendships... but if i throw this friendship away.. ill want to take it back later.  later.. there is the word... everything is always later... later .. later .. later.  then later never comes.  you always stand me up.  i am sick of it and i hate it.  i dont even care at this point.  it makes me so angry and  you dont give a damn.  if you dont want to save a sinking friendship why the hell should i.  i have been trying to and you seem to just push is down even more.  thats all i see.  i dont even think you care what happens.  well, i do!  i shouldnt but i do.  i shouldnt care what you think but i do.  i have no fuckin clue why.. but for some crazy ass reason i give a damn.  but you make me SO FRUSTRATED.  I JUST WANT TO SCREAM SOMETIMES.  I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO THIS.  I NEVER HAD A FRIEND THAT MADE ME SO HAPPY BUT ALSO MADE ME SO SAD AT THE SAME TIME.  ITS JUST FRUSTRATING... too frustrating. 

owen

I’m not going anywhere tonight, because of something said.
I know, I know, it was meant well, but it still hurt like hell.
Its OK, its alright its just that I’m a little tired of fading interest,
of boys and girls.
You know me and, you know me and I wanna say,
I’m gonna say, I’m not the same, maybe in time.
I’m not making promises in life cause of something I did tonight.
My best friend, that was way back when.
Not anything was everything then.
I know it’s not fair to the fairest of them all (you know who you are).
I’ve got your picture on a mirror on my wall.
I know you and, I know you and,
but you wanna say in the worst of ways that I’m afraid and maybe too late.
I’m not going anywhere tonight cause I don’t want to, I don’t have to.
It’s my right to be a fucking baby sometimes.